Whitney... this is so good. The empty nest hit me, and I just decided to go. Pottery. Backpacking. House projects. Health and fitness. Things I always wanted to do, but motherhood kept pushing them to the back burner. Nobody to schedule around. Nobody to pack for but me. Turns out I really like her, this version of me. Don't wait for permission. Just go do the thing. 🤍
A dear friend told me recently my "role playing" days (motherhood, chauffeur, planner, short-order cook) are done, for years I assumed them as parts of my identity. He reminded me that underneath the roles my full identity remains waiting. The creative, nurterer, writer, thinker, me. Your beautiful words reminded me of this, Whitney. So many adventures ahead. Thank you for sharing your heart. 💖
“Who am I without them? Sometimes I'm lonelier because I miss them, a little sad for what's changed, a little nostalgic for what was.
But I also like the relationship that we're developing. It’s different, but also satisfying.
Our roles are more intertwined now. Sometimes they still follow me, and sometimes, I follow their lead.
Mostly, however, I've found I don't need to figure out who I am without them because we are still intertwined, we are still connected, we are still woven together like the most beautiful tapestry of memories and experiences that has yet to be finished.
I am their mother, yesterday, today, and always.
But I’m also a person who loves connection, learning, and helping others.”
Whitney, Whitney, Whitney. Oh my gosh!!! I feel like you were in my brain last week and you said, I’m going to answer Rachel’s question in the most beautiful way possible!
I had gotten Natalie all settled into her apartment where she begins her adult life, and I was thinking how much I love being a mom - and was it wrong to love being a mom this much? Did it mean I didn’t have enough of my own stuff? And then here you are answering:
“I can lean into both to build a life I love.”
But then as I kept reading, you helped me see where I need to have more work/life balance. Now that my daughters are not home, I work far too much. I love your list, and I have loved your Substack essays that illustrate how you are stepping out.
Thank you so much for your beautiful words and inspiration. You are a treasure, and I’m so grateful to be in the same stage at the same time!
This summer stuff is hard, because I want to be home and available when they are home, between jobs and friends. But, I feel like I am just waiting around, and they don’t really “need” me when they are home. So Monday I am volunteering all day, a mindful decision. Hoping to strike a balance between being available for them and available for myself as the summer progresses.
Whitney... this is so good. The empty nest hit me, and I just decided to go. Pottery. Backpacking. House projects. Health and fitness. Things I always wanted to do, but motherhood kept pushing them to the back burner. Nobody to schedule around. Nobody to pack for but me. Turns out I really like her, this version of me. Don't wait for permission. Just go do the thing. 🤍
I love this! xoxo
This next phase of my life excites and terrifies me a little. Good to know I am not alone and thanks for the tips 🤍
It’s been both harder and simpler. Exhausting and invigorating. Scary and exciting! All the things (kind of like parenting!)
A dear friend told me recently my "role playing" days (motherhood, chauffeur, planner, short-order cook) are done, for years I assumed them as parts of my identity. He reminded me that underneath the roles my full identity remains waiting. The creative, nurterer, writer, thinker, me. Your beautiful words reminded me of this, Whitney. So many adventures ahead. Thank you for sharing your heart. 💖
“Who am I without them? Sometimes I'm lonelier because I miss them, a little sad for what's changed, a little nostalgic for what was.
But I also like the relationship that we're developing. It’s different, but also satisfying.
Our roles are more intertwined now. Sometimes they still follow me, and sometimes, I follow their lead.
Mostly, however, I've found I don't need to figure out who I am without them because we are still intertwined, we are still connected, we are still woven together like the most beautiful tapestry of memories and experiences that has yet to be finished.
I am their mother, yesterday, today, and always.
But I’m also a person who loves connection, learning, and helping others.”
Whitney, Whitney, Whitney. Oh my gosh!!! I feel like you were in my brain last week and you said, I’m going to answer Rachel’s question in the most beautiful way possible!
I had gotten Natalie all settled into her apartment where she begins her adult life, and I was thinking how much I love being a mom - and was it wrong to love being a mom this much? Did it mean I didn’t have enough of my own stuff? And then here you are answering:
“I can lean into both to build a life I love.”
But then as I kept reading, you helped me see where I need to have more work/life balance. Now that my daughters are not home, I work far too much. I love your list, and I have loved your Substack essays that illustrate how you are stepping out.
Thank you so much for your beautiful words and inspiration. You are a treasure, and I’m so grateful to be in the same stage at the same time!
This summer stuff is hard, because I want to be home and available when they are home, between jobs and friends. But, I feel like I am just waiting around, and they don’t really “need” me when they are home. So Monday I am volunteering all day, a mindful decision. Hoping to strike a balance between being available for them and available for myself as the summer progresses.
This line really stayed with me:
“Who am I if not the caretaker, the decision-maker, the fun creator?”
I think this is such a profound threshold.
Not only because the logistics change.
But because for so many women, the role has organized the nervous system for years.
The body has learned:
I know who I am when I am needed.
I know where I belong when I am useful.
I know how to orient when someone else’s life requires my attention.
I know how to love by managing, remembering, preparing, anticipating, helping.
So when the role begins to loosen, the quiet can feel like emptiness before it feels like space.
That is not small.
And I love that you are naming both truths here:
You are still their mother.
And you are also a person whose life gets to keep becoming.
To me, that is the cleanest version of this transition.
Not rejecting the role.
Not disappearing into it.
But letting more of the self become available again.