When You Feel Broken, Lean into The Tender Part

“It’s broken, “ the doctor said eight years ago. “You can see the line here. It’s a radial head fracture. When you fell on your hand, it pushes the three bones of your arm together and can force a break.”

My husband rose to look at the x-ray as I sat cradling my arm in awe that simply tripping on the sidewalk landed me here.

There is no cast for a broken elbow. The joint needs to remain flexible, so you wear a sling for rest, and then try to exercise it daily. It is extremely painful because the blood often rushes to the break, causing swelling to help heal it, which also makes it hard to bend. Unfortunately, many people find it difficult to work through the pain and just hope it will fix itself. This often leads to a debilitating injury for the rest of their lives. But if you work your arm correctly, you can come back even stronger.

When the doctor left, and my husband went to get the car, an older nurse positioned my arm in a sling and talked to me about PT and pain meds. As she finished, she put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t ignore this, and it is really important to do the exercises so your elbow doesn’t lock,” the nurse said to me. “Work through the pain, and it will help you later. Lean into it. Do the hard stuff.”

And so I did. Several times a day, I worked through the pain. I accepted help. I showed up. I leaned into it, believing the pain I had on a particular day would help me later.

I’ve been broken a few times since then. I’ve been dealing with some painful health issues with my eyes while managing some PTSD. We all went through the pandemic. I’ve lost people I loved.

And I’ve watched horrible things unfold in our country right before my eyes that I cannot ignore. I have seen the videos of Alex Pretti and Renee Good. I’ve heard from people I know who have been detained and abused by our government. I’ve listened to the people of Minnesota, Chicago, and now Maine, among so many other places.

Our country is broken right now.

And as I sit here today remembering my broken arm, I wonder how many times our hearts can be shattered until we can no longer put them back together. It seems less and less likely we can heal the divides in this world.

But, although I feel broken, although I feel too tired to fight, I am steadfast to work through the pain. To stand up to it. To come out stronger. And maybe you are too.

We need to lean into the tender place, instead of running from it. That is how we make change. That is how we heal. That is how we bring the broken parts back together again. It doesn’t mean that it won’t be painful, but we will come out stronger.

We need to do the work. We need to speak up. We need to take care of ourselves and take care of others.

We cannot lose our humanity, for we have nothing else.

We need to heal, but we’ll have to work through the pain first.

It will be challenging, but we can come back stronger.

Love hard.