Sometimes It Feels Like I'm Cheating on My Young Adult Kids
I'll never get over the gap when one of them isn't there.
Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating on her, whichever child can't be on our vacation or in our selfie at dinner.
We're a family of five, but as your kids grow, sometimes you can't always make that number happen. In fact, it becomes harder and harder with each passing day.
Spring breaks don't align, internships are in play, work obligations get in the way. They may take a trip with their boyfriend or study abroad or start their career on the other side of the world.
So, life goes on, but you almost feel like you are cheating on them, having fun when they're not there.
It doesn't mean you don't love these moments, because you do. Each opportunity I get to spend with any of my young adult children is cherished. But even though your heart is so full from making beautiful memories, a piece of it is also missing--and nothing can fill that space.
Letting go is so much more than preparing them to fly the nest.
It's learning to live with a gap that never closes until those rare moments when you're all together again.
This is the way it is supposed to happen. You want them to soar to new heights. They are meant to fly, sometimes farther away than you would like.
It doesn't mean you won't have many more wonderful moments. I promise that you will.
But I will always long for whatever child is missing from our family puzzle.
And I've come to accept that the gap in my heart that aches when we're not all together will never be filled, but I'm learning to live with it, a little more every day.
I knew they were always meant to fly. I just didn't know it would feel like this.
Walking with you. Love hard.
-Whitney
P.S.
What I watched this week: 5-Star Weekend with Jennifer Garner. Total romcom/girl friendship vibes. Food influencer Hollis (played by Garner), loses her husband and invites four of her friends to Nantucket for a weekend to get her life back on track.Entertaining, sweet and relatable for midlifers.
What I’m reading: I’m finally halfway through Buckeye on Audible and I just started reading Calamity Club. Determined to finish both by next week!
What I’m doing: I hosted my first Mahjong games at my house this week, and bought a set. I’m truly hoping that this challenging game may repair some of the damage I did to my brain from spending so much time on social media the past 15 years. I’m enjoying learning a new game and using my brain in a new way.
What inspired me: Saw this quote this week, and it spoke to me: ““Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.” — Bradley Whitford
As always, I so appreciate your gift for putting into words what I’m feeling. My husband is moving our oldest into her new apartment three hours away today. Youngest and I will go pick him up and come home without the oldest this weekend. I’m so excited for her but also grieving that another milestone is happening that means we will all be together less. We are going on vacation in a few weeks and there will only be a few days that we can all be there together. But I suppose that makes those days even more precious. And it is also fun to enjoy one on one time (we only have two daughters, not three).
This is definitely relatable for me. My oldest has been away at his first ever sleep away summer camp on the other side of the state and spending time with my other kiddo has felt oddly empty.