I feel stuck--and maybe that's okay

Sometimes stuck means you are exactly where you need to be.

Stuck. That's how I felt this morning when I woke up tired, again.

It's how I feel a lot lately.

Stuck, when I step on the scale and the number never seems to move.

Stuck, when I saw the dishes in the sink that always seem to be there.

Stuck, sitting down at my desk, trying to manage my workload but never seeming to get ahead.

Stuck, when my daughter and I had a terse exchange about something she was supposed to take care of.

Stuck, when I realized that we ran out of coffee creamer. And dog food. And tooth paste.

Stuck, when I see the suitcase from visiting my daughter at college last weekend needs to be packed for another trip tomorrow.

Stuck, when I realized I forgot to make appointments for doctors and help my daughter with her college financial aid and help my aging mother with her insurance form.

Stuck trying to keep my head above water.

Stuck, while watching everyone around me move forward.

And it weighs on me, the feeling stuck. It is draining and overwhelming and defeating.

Try harder, I tell myself. Do more. Rest, but not too much that you get behind. Take care of yourself, but don't forget what you need to do for others.

But the spinning and the pushing and the forcing just makes me feel more fastened in the same place. I'm stuck in the cement of my mind.

As I try to pull out of this tailspin, I know there's only one thing left to do.

I wonder, maybe I am stuck because this is exactly where I'm supposed to be?

Stuck in a body that is trying to get healthy defeating opponents like perimenopause and habits that are hard to break. This is my opportunity to persevere and stick with something to the finish.

Stuck in a job I love yet is mentally taxing. Can I be a change-maker in an industry in turmoil? Can I be a mentor for someone just starting? Can I use my knowledge to help someone else succeed, too?

Stuck trying to care for a family who is blossoming by the minute. I will survive these years.

Stuck in a place where friends constantly offer their help and support -- a reminder to pay back the kindness when I'm able.

Sometimes we work so hard to get ahead that we don't realize we already got there.

And when I feel stuck in the same place, I have to realize it's not that I'm not moving. I'm becoming. I'm slowly and sometimes painfully becoming who I'm meant to be. Right now in this moment.

It is so easy to get lost in this life, especially during these mid-life years. It's so simple to want to fast-forward through to a simpler and easier time.

But stuck isn't always a bad thing.

Sometimes it's just a holding place for what comes next. And that’s something to look forward to right now.

Learning to love where you are at, learning to bloom where you are planted, it's tough work.

Sometimes to get out of a rut, you have to accept and acknowledge the situation you are currently in. And that can be hard. But it doesn’t mean you are failing. It means you are surviving.

And it also means getting out of your head. You have to unwind the tension, and release the negative thoughts so you can find some gratitude again. For me that means taking a long walk, letting my mind wander in the shower, talking with a friend about a TV show or book, reading for pleasure, or even sitting in my big chair with my coffee and my dog looking out the window mindlessly for just five minutes.

The key is to reduce feeling of obligation, of burn out, of feeling stuck from so much external stimuli. It may sound hokey at first, but you can’t understand your situation without the mental space to unpack it.

So love your people hard, but don't forget to love yourself through it all, too. You may not be moving forward, but it doesn’t mean you are falling behind, either.

xoxo,

Whitney

P.S. If you follow my blog, Parenting Teens & Tweens, you may have received an email that three years ago this week, one of my daughters’ classmates died by suicide. I’m sharing this article everywhere I can so parents can know the steps to take in the instance they face this issue: Our Teen Was at Risk for Suicide: Here's 7 Steps We Took Next.

According to recent studies, more than 20 percent of teens have contemplated suicide. We can never take our adolescents' mental health for granted, and we need to take every reference to self-harm seriously.

If you or someone you know is having dangerous thoughts, Call 988 or Text 988 or Chat 988lifeline.org/chat. If you are unsure of your child's mental well-being, consider speaking with your pediatrician, general health practitioner, or a licensed mental health therapist.